Two Years – Part 2 of our scoliosis journey
Third grade is an interesting time for a girl. There is almost a transition between being a little kid and being a big kid that is going on causing many eight year olds to find the balance between playing with their friends and finding their “group”. Sending an eight year old into third grade with a body brace that went from her neck to her hips devastated me as a mom. i wanted my daughter to be confident in who she was and that her brace did not define who she was as a person, but I was unsure about how her peers would react. We were advised that with this kind of body brace it is best for the kids to wear form fitting athletic shirts underneath to keep the brace from rubbing their skin and causing irritation. On top of the brace we were advised that many kids were baggy sweatshirts in an attempt to conceal the brace and appear just as any other kid. My mom brain made the decision to buy Gracie the nicest shirts that I could afford in hopes that having super cool clothes would cause all the other kids to look past what made my girl different and think…”this kid is cool”. I also decided to let Gracie put temporary blue highlights in her hair hoping that would build her confidence. So in the late summer of 2018 I sent my blue streaked cool clothes wearing 8 year old into school with a Milwaukee brace and hoped for the best.
The week before Gracie got her brace, her school’s Guidance Counselor worked with her to make a presentation for her class about what scoliosis was and why she had to wear a brace.
Its easy to focus on the negatives. Having this brace gave Gracie tremendous anxiety because she felt constricted. She was unable to get it on and on by herself, which meant your freedom to go to the restroom at school was limited because each trip meant a trip to the school nurse who we provided with a video on how to correctly take the brace on and off of our girl. (shout out to our school nurses and teachers over the years for this!). Gracie felt constricted because having this brace meant she had to wear it 23 hours a day, with her only respite being shower and physical activity. This new brace meant everything was harder for Gracie. If she dropped something on the ground she couldn’t just pick it up. She had to put a hand on something sturdy, get on her knees, and most of the time needed assistance standing back up. Many times if she needed to get up in the middle of the night she was unable to and had to rely on Kenny or myself to come help her get out of bed. For an eight year old who was growing in independence, this took a toll on her ability to do many things on her own.
Those fancy shirts I bought her got holes in them within a day because of the friction from her brace. While I didn’t care at all, this made Gracie sad because it was another reminder of her difference. If you have spent much time in an elementary school, you know that kids sit on the floor….alot! Each time her class had to sit on the floor Gracie was provided with a chair because she was unable to get up and down. I remember her third grade music program that year well. Gracie was so upset and anxious over what that year had felt like for her she almost couldn’t take a part in it. And if you know how much Gracie loves music you know this is a BIG deal. There was a slow song in the middle of the program, and the melody and the message of the song caused her to break down every single time she heard it. As a mom watching her oldest of four going through these struggles my heart would break every single day.
Gracie’s 3rd grade picture proof
The Bible says in Psalm 30 that ” …weeping may stay overnight, but there is joy in the morning.” I said earlier that it was easy to focus on the sad parts of what my girl had to endure, but the sweet parts for sure outweighed the sorrow. The sweet parts began the moment we arrived back home the first day she got her brace. Gracie was eager to show one of her besties and neighbor her new contraption so we had told her she could run down there as soon as we got home. When we arrived in the driveway we realized that her besties had already beaten us there and had left messages and encouragement on our driveway in sidewalk chalk waiting for Gracie’s arrival. While her friends were hesitant at first sight of Gracie because they were worried she was hurting which upset them, they were FANTASTIC in making my girl feel as if nothing had changed about her. Gracie has always had the best friends around her that encouraged her and helped her when she was unable to do something. Even when she went back to school, another kid in her class had broken her leg at the same time and had a cast, so these two girls dubbed themselves “the hurt club” and that was that. Everyone her age treated her with compassion and wanted to be a helper. Her teachers were monumental in helping Gracie and making sure that she was never left out of made to feel different. I have learned that kids are great and accommodating. The only weird comments we had were from random adults that would say things like, “what is wrong with her”, which always upset me because I never wanted Gracie to feel like there was anything wrong with her. She just had different challenges than other people. My greatest wish during this time was that Gracie would never lose her confidence. I remember picture day that year I realized that she still had that confidence. I asked her if she wanted to skip her brace for pictures that day and wear something normal that wasn’t her new attire of Under Armor shirts and shorts. She didn’t really want to wear anything different so I sent her to school that day in her brace and brace clothes and told her if she wanted to take it off for pictures it was find and that I would understand. I never asked her what she did, but later that month when I got her picture proofs back I saw a smiling girl in a blue Under Armor shirt and a Hawaiian blue back brace. Gracie was comfortable enough with her appearance that she wasn’t bothered at all to be remembered as the girl with the brace, because I think she knew it didn’t define her. I think this experience has really helped my kids over the years understand that everyone has struggles, and everyone’s struggles are different. It’s our job to treat everyone the same. We are so grateful for the compassion that was shown to our family during this time. While it was just a season, we will never forget it.
